he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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