Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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