first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
