We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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