Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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