New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
what is it with giant penises always finding me
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
