Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This toilet bowl is my home.
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