Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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