i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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