At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
