You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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