guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
