I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
