I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
