Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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