shes about as inviting as chlamydia
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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