people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
