Are we in a gay sports bar?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Randomize
