You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
