Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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