I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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