my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
