Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
