i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
