It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
