Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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