So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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