My liver just broke up with me...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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