We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
