Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
