note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
