I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
