ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
