i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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