Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
