somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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