On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Your cock deserves a montage
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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