if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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