the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
