girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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