I wanna bring you to show and tell
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
