You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
