I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
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I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again