where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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