bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We need a shit load of segways right now
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE