how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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he laminated a picture of his dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.