dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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