I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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