I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
