Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
