see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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