Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
