Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
