i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
