i already hear my dad disowning me
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
