Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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