never play flip cup with pint glasses
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
