No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I stole a fireplace last night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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