She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
