there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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