You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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