The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
