He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
