Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
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Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.