I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
