3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.