Small penises have feelings too.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
