i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
and you fell through a lawn chair
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????