I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
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I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
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That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?