Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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  (714): I need hand sanitizer and jesus. http://tfl.nu/r3xx
  Replies (15) Good night (2013) Bad night (2662)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever

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  (910): phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever http://tfl.nu/0zmb
  Replies (19) Good night (6064) Bad night (665)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.

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  (605): I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum. http://tfl.nu/8vy8
  Replies (13) Good night (5034) Bad night (921)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.

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  (630): don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class. http://tfl.nu/vso9
  Replies (8) Good night (1519) Bad night (4003)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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  (978): Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die... http://tfl.nu/7pmw
  Replies (10) Good night (3179) Bad night (1181)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...

  (1-732): View more from New Jersey

  ...i wondered where i left that...

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  (732): please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong... (1-732): ...i wondered where i left that... http://tfl.nu/q7mv
  Replies (3) Good night (2477) Bad night (646)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.

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  (937): They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks. http://tfl.nu/nsc0
  Replies (3) Good night (1849) Bad night (686)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.

  (319): View more from Iowa

  You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.

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  (630): So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead. (319): You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you. http://tfl.nu/03d8
  Replies (15) Good night (2383) Bad night (1218)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.

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  (330): You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower. http://tfl.nu/aao1
  Replies (6) Good night (1420) Bad night (523)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...

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  (732): it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits... http://tfl.nu/8y9r
  Replies (8) Good night (1350) Bad night (505)
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  (315): View more from New York

  we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back

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  (315): we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back http://tfl.nu/uot7
  Replies (2) Good night (521) Bad night (845)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.

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  (614): Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend. http://tfl.nu/4bsk
  Replies (5) Good night (447) Bad night (821)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may

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  (303): Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may http://tfl.nu/mwgs
  Replies (1) Good night (599) Bad night (355)
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  (925): View more from California

  Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.

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  (925): Bored at work. googling vodka waffles. http://tfl.nu/6y0b
  Replies (1) Good night (453) Bad night (384)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year

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  (228): My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year http://tfl.nu/fbfd
  Replies (28) Good night (274) Bad night (1756)

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