Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I met the friendliest cop last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
last night I used snow as a chaser
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
