Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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