Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize