Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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