My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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