Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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