Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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