hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Even my vagina gasped.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize