I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
