I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
